Fragments: Neck in the Noose 

I keep visualizing my neck in the noose. I see myself hanging from the ceiling, swinging like a pendulum. (I also hear squeaking sounds.)

Tick tock… I’ve been dead for a while. I mean, I’ve been thinking about it.

Whether I am lying in bed at night (like now), or I am on my way to work, I constantly feel the presence of death.

I try to fill my time, to work all the time – as an attempt to get my mind off things. But then I have to lie in bed again, or drive to work, or take a shit, and I remember. 

“There is no escape, is there? Here you are visiting me again, uninvited friend. What do you want?”

And here are my fingers, tap dancing on the touch screen, expressing.

“I will live to write another word.”

Fragments: I will wait for you in the cold

Seeing her was not part of the plan, but there she was.

Emerald eyes sparkling, strawberry lips smiling, she came down the stairs.

She came to me like Spring, like a sunny day after months of wind and rain.

I could not turn and walk away.

“Borislav, what are you doing here?” She asked before kissing me on the cheek.

She was dressed for romance; I was dressed for a funeral.

“Did you come back for me?” She added jokingly, after kissing me.

I had not come back for her or for anyone, but I said “yes.”

“You are inviting me for a cup of coffee, I suppose. I would love to catch up with you.”

“Why not,” I replied, “but I have to see Anton first.”

“So you are the one he is expecting.”

“Yes. Is he in his office?”

“Yes, he is.” She looked into my eyes, probably wondering what I was really doing there. Then she kissed my other cheek.

“Go now,” she added, “but don’t be long. I will wait for you outside…

I will wait for you in the cold.”