She looks at the jukebox and wonders which song would best reflect the spark she lit and lived along its flickering lights all by her own. If you asked her if she was fluent in the languages she spoke, she would say: “I am fluent enough to keep things ambiguous until the time passes. I know how to spell out the words but I lack the ability to express them in an immediate fashion.”
If you ask her if she ever loved, she would say: “Yes, but I loved in silence. Perhaps it’s better this way, or perhaps I need someone to slap this bullshit out of me.”
She looks at the jukebox and wonders if there is a song that she can sing along with. The songs are familiar yet the words are as distant as her need for a life where the absolute is the will to power and the imaginary is a constant need for disappearance. She could tell you that she’s the one you’ve been looking for in all of the wrong ways, that life is as difficult as she lets it be, but she would be lying. God, would she be lying.
She finds a song she doesn’t know and for the first time ever, she sings along, knowing all of the words she’s never heard before. Her breath smells of stale cigarettes and beer. Yet, she steps in front of the five people present at the bar at 2p.m. and sings to their faces the stories she’s never been through. She’s high on life or perhaps it is death, who knows? The lights are not strong enough for her to be sure about what it is that she is standing in front of – a proposition or supposition of something that never was. She ruined the flow of words when she started thinking about what she was supposed to be naturally belting out. There are words she chokes on, words about love and loss that she still hasn’t made peace with. The people ask her to sit down and have a few glasses of water. The water tastes like whiskey and the next thing she knows, it is in fact whiskey.
A guy approaches her: “What’s your story?”
“I just wanted to speak out before my light completely caved in. But it’s getting dark now. Where do we go to escape it?”
“Let’s go back to my place.”